Welcome to the Batcave
Journey to the dark side for weird, unusual and spiritual insights from Mark.

X Marks the Spot
As in the States, Guatemala is gearing up for presidential elections, as well as elections for congress, mayors and deputies. The biggest difference is that instead of having only a few political parties, Guatemala has over 26! With about 70 days left before the election, the amount of billboards, TV ads, flyers, parades, etc. has been overwhelming.

About three weeks ago, I started noticing “X’s” on many of the presidential street posters and billboards. At first, I though this was a rival party’s way of telling you not to vote for the other guy. I was completely wrong. Because so many people cannot read or may have trouble following directions, the “X” tells Guatemalans to put an “X” on the candidate they are voting for! I don’t think this will catch on in the US.

When Pride Comes Before the Fall (literally)
Many of you know that Jerrod Sills, a college student from our ministry in Lexington, has been living and working with us since January. He has been working in our Christian Life Department at the school singing in our praise band, leading drama and music workshops, preaching, teaching and serving wherever we need him. His language skills are improving rapidly, and he’s doing a great job for us. We’ve known Jerrod since he was in 6th grade, and it’s been amazing to see him grow spiritually (and physically) over the years.

Jerrod used to be pretty short, and even though he’s grown taller, he sometimes has a short-guy complex that expresses itself in confidence…perhaps over-confidence. Jerrod had planned to start working with a group from Georgia this week who was improving a soccer field in Paradise. He wanted to start Monday, but President Bush’s little visit to Guatemala shut down the several zones including the highway leading up to our house. Tuesday, we had to change our schedules because our red car died (it is up in automotive heaven as we speak), and Jerrod had to cover our praise team workshop at the school. We were finally able to get him to the job site on Wednesday, and he was more than ready to begin a little hard labor.

First, Jerrod didn’t have any sunscreen, and the March sun is pretty intense in GT. Next, he was wearing his ultra-mod fashion shades that are almost an inch think on the sides. Also, he couldn’t find any work gloves, so he developed double blisters on his hands from using a shovel and wheel barrow all day. When I came to pick him up in the afternoon, he was blistered, tired, and red all over...except for a wide stripe across his face where his sunglasses were. He looked like an inverted raccoon! We spent the next few hours touring the neighborhood with some visitors before returning up the hill to our house.

When we got to our house, we found Andrea and Reuben kicking his over-sized ball in the streets, so we joined in. The more we played, the sillier we got until Jerrod kicked the ball up on the roof of the next-door house, which is still in construction. Even though there were stairs inside leading up to the roof, Jerrod quickly jumped up on a wood plank to see if he could get it more quickly. When I realized Jerrod was about to attempt to jump on the roof, I said, “Jerrod, that looks too high.” Starting to jump, Jerrod replied, “No it’s not, I’m huge!” That’s when he slid off the side of the roof and landed straddled on the plank about an inch away from losing his family future.

Now Jerrod was sunburned, blistered and had scrapes up his arms and the inside of his legs. After making sure he wasn’t seriously injured, we got to laugh about it for good while. I had always heard that pride comes before the fall, but this time, it literally came before the fall. “I’m huuuuuuuge!!!!” Jerrod’s body and ego are healing just fine.

What’s FIFA?
Since most of our readers are living in the good ol’ USA, you probably think FIFA is the name of a French poodle. For those living outside of America, it is the biggest soccer tourney in the world. Every four years, the best soccer teams in the world get together for this unbelievably popular event. How big is it? Just combine 3 Superbowls, a World Series, the NBA Finals, the Indy 500, the Masters and the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, and you can get an idea how important FIFA is. Malls, restaurants and businesses have the games on, and even the theatres show the matches on the big screens. Some schools close down early and many students just don’t show up while the tourney is in session. Needless to say, it’s been difficult getting any teaching or learning done at Shalom lately!

For a country like Guatemala who is not in FIFA, you might think it wouldn’t be a big deal. Of course, you would be wrong. There is certain solidarity among Latinos when it comes to soccer, and even if your particular country is not participating, there is such an awe of certain teams and countries that seem to excel year after year. While I hear a lot of talk about Germany and France, our little country is pretty much divided between Argentina and Brazil. How anyone can respect a team with a player named “Kaka” is beyond me, but Americans can’t talk, I realized we have player for the Red Socks the other day whose name is Coco Crisp. No one likes Mexico much in Guatemala, probably a big brother-little brother rivalry going on.

Where is the USA in all of this? Well, we’re pretty much the runt of the litter. We’d like to run with the big dogs, but it’s probably just not our time yet. I also think it’s hard for Americans to watch a game for 2-hours+ that ends in a score of 0-2. I searched for three weeks to find a US soccer jersey to cheer on my team, but I couldn’t find any official FIFA stuff supporting the red, white and blue. (Unless you’re talking about France) Somebody from school did find a USA lanyard the other day, so I’m wearing it proudly while watching some of the best soccer I’ve ever seen in my lifetime.

Hulkamania Hits Guatemala (We know you’re green with envy!)
For those of us who spent our childhoods in the 70’s, the big rage was TV stars who would do personal appearances in malls, convention centers and comic book stores. I think the first autograph I got was from the movie dog “Benji.” Even though Andrea and I grew up in different cities (and worlds), we do share one common memory: we both went to a personal appearance of Lou Ferrigno, the Incredible Hulk from the TV show. I think I saw him in a Holiday Inn in Nashville, but I’ll confirm that with my brother. Andrea had a similar experience with Bruce Banner’s alter-ego in Boston.

So guess who shows up in Guatemala for the grand opening of our new Gold’s Gym (just two miles from our home)? Our green friend from the 70’s! He looks great, and it was BIG news in Guatemala. Andrea even got to ask him a question from the press core. I was a little disappointed he didn’t show up painted green, but I’ll get over it.

Students Strike Back
OK, so our school is in constant need of money, so about every two months we have a fundraising day, which is like a fall festival or carnival where we sell food, have game booths, etc. Well to make a long story short, I was in charge of coming up with some new or creative games (which, of course, couldn’t cost very much money to create). What was one of my big ideas? It was a “Hit the Teacher” booth where students got to throw wet sponges at their favorite (or least favorite) teacher. The booth was big hit (literally), and I probably came in second place for raising the most money when I was under the gun. I actually had kids and youth who paid two or three times for a shot at their American school director.

Who came in first? The winner by far was our school coordinator, Ivan Díaz. If you don’t know Ivan, he’s like our school vice principal in charge of discipline and in-school suspension. His other nickname is "Ivan the Terrible," after the sixteenth century Russian tsar. Almost everyone there was lined up to watch or hit him as many times as they could. After a while, they just gave up using the sponges and poured buckets of water on his head. The youth had a great time, and it was great to see our teachers willing to jump in and do whatever for a good cause. When’s the last time you became a fool for Christ?

Raod Rage
One of the daily challenges here, which works on my patience and anger management, is the traffic in Guatemala. Here is a small formula I’ve created to help you understand just how bad the traffic is.
-Take the city you live in right now and imagine the general traffic situations you face on a daily basis.
-Now MULTIPLY the amount of cars on the road by 7 at all times of the day or night.
-Now imagine 80% or more of these drivers with no licenses, drivers’ training or insurance.
-Now MULTIPLY the amount of potholes, broken asphalt, pedestrians, road hazards, rainy weather, and accidents BY 20.
-Imagine 60% or more of the vehicles on the road are 20 years old or older, and they are likely to break down on the road at any give place or time.
-Finally, take away any police presence or authority from the streets.

Starting to get a picture of road life here in GT? Every day I go out with Reuben, I ask, “Are you ready for our adventure today?” This is because every day, it’s a challenge and new discovery on the streets. What may be a 10 minute drive one day could take two hours the next. In the first month we arrived in Guatemala, we were listening to a radio trivia contest. The “question-of-the-day” was: “What do the solid yellow lines signify in the middle of the road?” We listened in shock for thirty minutes as caller after caller guessed the wrong answers. Want to know how bad the traffic is here? No one was awarded a prize that day from the radio station.

I’ve seen things here that would make even the most adventurous drivers stay at home. How about 27 people in a 12 passenger van? Or a family of 5 on a small motorcycle? What about a guy on a bicycle carrying a push-lawnmower and a gas can? Try driving behind a small motorcycle hauling a 4-foot-long propane tank. And have I mentioned the buses here? While there is a small fleet of “city buses,” the majority of buses (and we’re probably talking in the thousands) are privately owned. These private owners hire a driver, a money taker, and a sort-of Maitre d of the bus who hangs out the door waving people onto the bus. Then the driver picks a route that he thinks will work everyday. There’s no city plan for bus routes or printed bus schedules. There are some “official” city bus stops with benches, but most buses just stop in the street wherever they can find someone to pick up.

What are the conditions of most of these buses? Glad you asked. Here’s the way it usually works: Someone gets enough money to invest in a bus, where it is usually bought at an auction from the US. You know the kind of bus I’m talking about…it was too old to use in the school system or it failed to meet some transportation code. Then it’s driven to GT where it is painted bright colors, named after somebody’s mother, sister or girlfriend, then overused each day with little maintenance or upkeep. Then to make things really interesting, they cram triple the number of passengers that the bus was designed to hold. (150 people on a 60 passenger bus, for example.) I’ve seen 5 or more crushed into one seat. I’ve seen people hanging out the back, windows, doors, even holding themselves us on the outside gas cap (see photo!)

Yes, everyday is an adventure on the roadways here in GT. On a serious note, I’ve seen more accidents and dead bodies than I care to mention and these buses are dangerous for other reasons as well. Muggings and assaults are a daily occurrence on public transportation here. As frustrated as I get with the traffic here, at least I have my own car, and I’ve never had to ride the bus here. I can’t really tell you how I would feel if I had to ride these buses each day alone or with my wife and child. My road adventures are NOTHING compared to the daily struggles and fears of so many others here.

When we lived in Lexington, complaining about the traffic was almost as popular as talking about the weather or basketball. I honestly believe that I’ll never complain about the road conditions when driving in the US. So what do you have to complain about today?

Bat Review
OK, so I was originally depressed when I found out we were coming back to Guatemala 5 days before Batman Begins was opening. Because Andrea made the airline reservations, I gave her grief about it for a few weeks, but life was beautiful again when I discovered that I was coming out it Guatemala the same weekend.

It has been cool to see how popular Batman is world-wide. GT has been flooded with billboards and propaganda everywhere. Here, my dark alter-ego is the official spokesman for BMW’s and Mirinda cola, which is orange soda. The local supermarkets have Batman promotions on every isle, and the theater was packed when we went. The funniest thing is that a friend of mine has a special friend who just ¨happened¨ to steal (or borrow) a Batman poster off a bus. Needless to say, it was given to me as a special gift, and it will be hanging on my wall as soon as I can get it framed. Special kudos to the theif...er...friend who is responsible for my newest wall art.

Now on the review....how could I not like a movie all about me? Seriously, I was enthralled the entire time. It was dark, but had some humor in it as well. Probably loved it better than Tim Burton's version in the 80's. As far as the bad guys go, I thought Liam Neeson's character was excellent, and they left the scarecrow alive to come back another day. I also thought the Lucius Fox character by Morgan Freeman was great...he has been in the comics all along but nobody until now thought to include him. My only minor criticism was the actor who played Falcone...he's British or Irish and was playing an Italian mob boss. I thought his accent was a little weak and they could have gotten a real Italian to play the part. Maybe they were all tied up working on the Sopranos or the next Analyze This movie. That’s really nitpicking because there is not much I can say negatively about the film.

Now onto the spiritual metaphor. What I enjoyed most about the movie is how they showed his development from a lost son of a millionaire to the dark knight. At times, it was like being behind the scenes watching what this guy would become and his successes and failures along the way. I think so many times we want to be the end product without the transforming patience and hard work that it takes to get there. We expect God to change everything seconds after our prayers, and then we give up so incredibly fast when things don’t happen in our timing. So ask yourself, ¨What is God calling me to be?¨ When you think you know the answer, then trust God with all the patience and courage that he’ll supply to finish what He has started in your life. Who knows, maybe you will see a huge transformation like Batman, or better yet, maybe you’ll live to see God’s transforming work and love in others.

Simple Life
This story has been germinating in my brain for some time, but I haven’t been able to get it out until now. I believe there’s a certain air of superiority that we Americans have when it comes to the entertainment industry. And make no mistake, every TV and movie maker in the world has been influenced in one way or another by Hollywood. Even though “American Idol,” “Weakest Link,” and “Whose Line is it Anyway?”, originated in England, it wasn’t really popular until America made her own versions. Yep, we’ve got the market cornered when it comes to entertainment and what’s popular.

Now that I’ve lived out of the borders of the old red, white and blue for a while, I’ve begun to wonder if our mantle of “world’s entertainment leader” doesn’t come with some responsibilities as well. Take the extremely popular TV show, “The Simple Life,” for example. You know, the weekly chronicle of those crazy female misfits, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richey, as they live with “ordinary folk” and try their hands at various jobs from time to time. I’ll even admit that I was intrigued for an episode or so as I watched them misbehave at a burger place in ways I only dreamed about as a teen working in the fast food industry. But I think the real question is: “What does this communicate to the rest of the world?”

The truth is that many in America and most people living in the rest of the world have a very different reality of a “simple life.” The people I’m talking about work in burger joints, farms and factories because they have to, and everyday day they wake up at the butt-crack of dawn just to provide for their families and put food on the table. These people can’t afford to be colorful misfits at work because they need their jobs, but the depth of their characters and the stories of their lives put to shame anything that Paris or Nicole have to say. If you really want to create a show worth watching, my suggestion would be to make Paris and Nicole sign a contract to give all their wealth and inheritance to charity if they can’t hold down a minimum-wage job for six months. Watch them as they get up every day, deal with rude customers with a smile, and make just enough money to eat and go to the movies on occasion. Better yet, turn the cameras off Paris and Nicole all together and put the spotlight on the real stars of our world: the people who educate our children, keep our streets clean and safe, and cook our meals.

Living here in Guatemala and working at the school everyday has given me a new definition of what a simple life is really all about, and also made me realize how superficial my life is most of the time.

Tales from Hamburger Highway…Guatemalan Cows from Krypton
OK, so have I told you about the incredible cows from Krypton who live here in Guatemala? Here's the story…we live on a pretty busy street which opens up to a major highway. It’s the Guatemalan version of Man O’ War (for those from Lexington), Hwy 96 (for Tennesseans) or Watterson Exp. (for our Louisville friends). A few months ago, we see about 13 cows headed down the street, going with the traffic I might add, toward the highway. Unlike highways in the states, there are no spacious, green areas on the sides of the road. No egress for our dairy-producing friends. Where were they going? How were they going to get there? Not only this, but these cows didn’t have any humans leading them. This was a solo flight. Would it be hamburger highway for these black-and-white journeymen, or was something supernatural at work here?

Since that day, we've seen these cows come and go in several forms, sometimes in packs (or herds as you call them), sometimes accompanied by a guide…I've even seen a few walking alone (see my picture of Jor-El). My only conclusion is this: These are super vacas (cows) from Krypton. Like their counterpart from Smallville, they were fortunate enough to land in Guatemala City to live double lives: Simple cows to the naked eye, but super vacas in secret, doing good wherever they can. While most of these heroes will never be famous, some have left our little Latin town for the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. You can see their latest work in the Chik-fil-A ads.

What exactly are their super powers? How many lives have been saved by their deeds? Only they know for sure. Now all those Nursery Rhymes I’m reading to Reuben don’t seem that far fetched…

"Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon..."